Simple is Good

Sometimes I get so tired and so confused about the million things I seem to have going on that I suddenly stop, hide in my house with my girls and just take a few hours to recognise my priorities and simplify everything.

My life needs to be simple. I need my life to be simple.

Post natal depression is a horrible illness to live with. Family members suffer but most importantly I suffer. It’s not something I dramatise and it’s not something I make up. It’s completely out of my control and very much unwanted!

Since my youngest daughter began walking last weekend I have not stopped feeling like an emotional mess. Both my girls play nicely together in the back garden whilst the washing is drying on the washing line, the sun shines and I’m pottering around the house cleaning, feeling relaxed. Did I set the scene okay for you? Well there is a little “Nevie stop trying to climb UP the slide!” and “Myla stop eating the dirt” but why ruin a beautiful scene? I just seem to be handling situations much, much better and feel much calmer these days.

I have, for the first time in a long time felt like i just want to be with my girls giving them lots of cuddles and kisses! We are a TEAM, we are best friends…

Suddenly life is getting much easier and much happier! All I want to do is cry with happiness.

I still think I need to make some changes to my life to make it even better! I think a life plan is in order…

Work Hard & Play Hard

Good Luck to everyone who is getting their GCSE results today! I remember getting mine 13 years ago and I felt so sick  that morning (I think I was sick before leaving the house)

School never came easy to me. I was always one of those kids that had to study really hard but if my heart simply wasn’t in the topic then I would shut down and not take anything in. I was the one who got frustrated over EVERYTHING apart from drama…typical!

Maths? I DID NOT GET IT! History? I didn’t take this subject because some girls who I was intimidated by took the class also…with my boyfriend so I chose to do Geography! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

I had chicken pox when the GCSE exams were taking place and my school would not allow me to sit any exams in that peroid so some of my results were taken from course work that I had done throughout the year…this was never going to be good.

I came out with some good results and suprised myself, although it was very obvious of those topics I had no interest in…one being Geography! Cliffs? Rocks? Errr…

I had to fight my way to get into college, with a doctors note to prove that I had had chicken pox at the time of the exams being sat (or not sat in my case) so I was given a trial at college. If I could show them that I was more than capable than they would let me stay.

I then went onto university in Southampton and got a BA Honors 3 years later.

I have had to work my butt off for everything I have managed to get so far. My husband? breezed through it all…school, grammer, university and then studies hard to become a tax advisor and passed first time.

It does make a difference once you have found the one thing that you are passionate about. Mine is Public Relations. My heart was always in Journalism from such a little girls. I did work experience at the Bournemouth Echo and LOVED every minute, I also worked at two local radio stations. 

In my current job they have moved me over to manage a part of the company that is really exciting, refreshing and fast growing but I miss managing the PR for the company. I shouldnt moan as this is much bigger responsibility…but when your heart is already somewhere else…

I was the first in my family to go to university. Not bad eh?!

I want my girls to be passionate about something. I don’t care what their ambition in life is. I just want them to be happy and succesful. It’s a tough world out there so I would hate for them to strufggle in life. I want them to feel like they can do anything. I want them to work hard and play hard. I can see my Nevie doing something similar to me but being much more succesful at it. I know that her attention span is very limited so I have a feeling that the school she goes too will have to be strict and very enjoyable. Myla is quieter… perhaps a vet? She is only 13 months old so I have another year to see her true personality shine.

My Toddler is in Love

I’m so pleased to finally experience this stage! My 2 1/2 year old daughter got her first bike yesterday. It’s pink and purple with stabilisers and a matching helmet. A true princess bike.

Nevie-Rose is so in love! She makes us keep the bike in the house so she can say goodnight and good morning to it. She taps the seat as she walks past it.

Her little sister is happy! Myla got Nevie’s tryke. Sat holding the handle bars whilst I push her I can hear her singing Peppa Pig with a snort.

What an incredible stage. The excitement on my beautiful girls face. The love and the joy this bike is giving Nevie is simply wonderful.

I feel deeply honoured and proud to be a mummy.

Planning the Journey with Kids

I knew a 5 hour drive to suprise family was never going to be easy, I mean I have two kids! One aged 2 1/2 years old and my youngest has just turned one. Desperate for a break and seeing friends go away for long weekends with their kids made me determined to get a grip and go for it. They come back smiling and doing it all over again so how hard can it be?

Why did i do it? I mean I have two very young kids and it’s a whopping FIVE HOURS drive! The last time we went away (and it was the first time) as a family in April my youngest spent the whole time being sick and the trip involved a half an hour flight which was the crappest flight ever!

That  fatal question “What time shall we set off dear?” was the question that played on my mind for WEEKS. Early? Throw the kids in the car once we are packed and hope that they fall back to sleep. I mean they should do at 4am right? Pah…You just know it will be party time and then they will eventually fall asleep as we are arriving to do the whole “Suprise!” thing. My kids HATE sleep as it is. Once rush hour was over? But that would mean that most of the Saturday would be over! I hate wasting a day, especially in a car with the kids awake moaning and being restless for 5 hours. Yes I do have a portable DVD player but kids that young have a very short attention span and there are only so many episodes of Peppa Pig and Thomas the Tank Engine I can stomach. So…how about night time? Put the girls in their pyjamas and let them sleep…my worry? I want to like the hotel that we had booked and inspect it before heading straight to bed at midnight. Risk of stopping the car whilst we check in could result in two young girls waking and screaming because they are awake at midnight. The car has to keep moving people!

What did we do? We set off at 7am once the kids were awake and had an hour play. It worked. We had an hour and a half break an hour into our journey (a whole other blog post!) and I was tired from all the thinking and packing and worrying.

A mother never switches off! Holidays will remain short and sweet and close to home. Simple.

 

I HATE DIETING!

How hard is it to say NO to chocolate? Pah…BLOODY HARD!!

The preassure to loose weight is HORRIBLE! I really want to loose the rest of this weight but can I do it? NO. Have I got the motivation? NO. Do I just want to eat crisps and chocolate? YES. YES. YES.

It’s a slippery path to FAT again but i’m always just muttering “I will go for a run!” – I wish my body worked like that but it doesn’t, it won’t. It would much rather I learn the value of eating fruit and vegetables and pasta instead. I loved the gym so much but now i’m working most days and my young children don’t go to bed until 8pm, the only thing I will do is go for a run with my sister as soon as my husband gets home from work so we can have a good moan and he can have time with the kids.

Right I really do need to get back on it. There must be some kind of motivation to get me back on track. My belly is huge…the only area that i HATE so surely this is enough for me to cry in pain into my bowl of pasta whilst running 10 miles…right? oh god please give me your words of encouragement? Perhaps I need to do a weight tracker on here and If I know people are reading my blog perhaps this will be my motivation.

I need help. I have 21lbs to loose before Christmas. I have 21lbs to shift. I need to stop eating. Only 21lbs left…

More Work Please

Today was the start of more hours at work! An extra morning (Monday), a couple of hours on a Thursday and an extra half an hour on Friday to make an extra 6 hours a week. I have to admit I have been extremely anxious about putting my girls in nursery for an extra morning but my eldest Nevie-Rose made me feel much better with lots of enthusiasm in the car heading to school at 7.30am this morning. Phew! Result? HAPPY and TIRED.

It was hard when i kept getting texts from friends who don’t work in the week, off doing activities with their kids but I have a career that needs me to stay focused, make use of my degree and by keeping my foot in the door it will hopefully bring a brighter future for me and my family (for example; move house), and my girls do enjoy and learn so much at nursery.

Myla is almost walking and she can now say cat, bubble, peppa (pig), mum, dad, milk, poo, more and tried to say bath tonight. She understands so much and she loves to give her sister kisses and cuddles. Nursery has been great for her!

Sooooo another morning at work tomorrow, another school run, another episode picking the girls up from school and taking half an hour to get them into the car… but when I get paid I will be able to treat my girls to something special (and treat myself to another pedicure!)…

Dear Future Me…

I often find myself thinking about life in a year. I don’t ever want to wish my time away but with my girls being only 18 months apart I often dream about them running around in the garden together, sat at their little pink table with their dollies having tea parties, sleeping, sat in bed together reading books and the ability to go go out without changing nappies!

What will my life be like? What will my girls be like? Will my husband and I finally be going out on dates again? I mean, the last time we went for dinner together was before we had the kids! I can’t remember when we last went to the cinema together or even to the pub and had a bottle of wine together. Our life is all about the girls. Everything we do is for the girls. We love each other very much but we know that our time will come. Although…I expect when the time comes, all we will do is talk about the children! Should I create a list of topics to cover beforehand?

I spotted a beautiful post on my friends blog recently. A letter to herself. To her year-from-now self. I love this idea. I’m going to do the same thing. I expect I will shed a tear and laugh out loud. I am also going to write a letter to my girls for them to read on their 18th birthday. I want to capture my feelings as a mum now. Whilst its still feels fresh. Whilst I still don’t see clearly. I know things will get much better. I know I will forget this time. I want the girls to understand that some mums just don’t find motherhood THAT easy, THAT natural. Perhaps it will make them realise why I am the person I am now (and why I look far older and exhausted in my photo’s than on my wedding day, and delay them having children, or encourage them to do everything they have dreamt about doing first).

So…here is a post from my friend from Tea Cup and Cake regarding Dear Future Me…

I love letters. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but I love the act of putting pen to paper. Sure, computers and word processing are very useful, but they can be impersonal. The same for email. It’s all very… convenient.

It’s been a few months since a letter dropped through my letterbox. It was from a friend from Spain. But before that, I don’t remember the time I had received a handwritten letter. The art of letter writing is dying. Handwriting gives the letter more personality. Plus you know that person has put in the effort and thought in actually writing that letter.

So, when I saw a tweet from WordPress asking to write a letter to your future self, I thought “why not?” Currently over half way through the WordPress post a week challenge, it can be a difficult to engage the brain and write something interesting. I thought writing a letter to my future self would be easy. I can tell you, it was emotional.

Write a short letter to yourself, to be read one year from now. You don’t have to post the entire letter, but you do have to a) write it b) post about what surprised you the most about what you wrote, or whether you found the experience interesting or not. And don’t forget to set a reminder in your calendar to read it in one year.

I understand the irony of this post. Here I am blogging about the virtues of handwriting letters and I’m using a computer and Google Docs, but like I said, it’s convenient. And to my defence, I did write my letter to the future me on paper. In fact, I wrote two versions. A public one and a private one.

But a letter is a letter. Even though I knew it was going to be a blog post, I approached it as I would when I write to any of my friends. It was a cathartic exercise but odd to write to myself in second and third person. I found there was a sense of distance between present me and the future me.  

So, the letter to myself is now out there for the world to see. I have made a note, and will revisit it next year and see what has happened. I can tell you that I will be climbing Everest, as I have now booked the trip. The only thing that will stop me is altitude sickness, a broken leg or death.

So, what would you write to your future self? How did you get on?

 

Link to this post so we can read.

Happy Birthday Darling

Wow! Wow! Wow! Did that year really happen? I mean REALLY?

My second daughter (and last) turned 1 today and I thought that I would be really emotional but I think that I have been in denial! I went to upgrade Myla’s bottles to beakers today but instead I came home with some pretty pink bottles. I know it was naughty but I just can’t let go that she is my baby girl. I swear we fast forwarded 6 months.

I mean, how can she be 1 already? I have gone through post-natal depression AGAIN and managed to hide it from family AGAIN. I have managed to cope with my PND and I have almost (I’M PRETTY SURE) managed to shift the stupid black cloud. I have also lost 22lbs, been to Cybermummy which meant spending my very first whole day and night away from my children, returned to work 8 months after having Myla and had a really positive change within the company, put both my girls in nursery, which was also a new and emotional move for me and my husband AND  I saw through the utter rubbish and the big realisation of whom my real friends are and made some cuts…all in a year!

The biggest satisfaction from my year is seeing my two daughters become the best of friends, even though they are now a cheeky double act! It’s been beautiful watchig them bond, share (and fight!) and become fantastic friends. I love Nevie coming into my bedroom on a morning and whispering in my ear “Mummy, I have missed Myla can I go and see her”

I can’t help but sit here and wonder what the following 12 months will bring. No more children i’m afraid. My children dislike sleep and I am too shattered to cope without it anymore. I need to concentrate on what I have got and making them LOVE sleep like their mummy. I hope for another positive move in my career, more traffic to my blog, more involvement in my support to mumpreneurs, another 22lbs weight loss, a much wanted house move and a lottery win! (I feel it’s my turn to win!)

So…my youngest is finally 1 year old. My eldest is 2 1/2 years old and I feel…EXHAUSTED! Many more birthdays to go though and i’m ready…

Caught In The Act

TV Boosts Mums Confidence By 70%

I left the house at 7.30am on Thursday 7th July as a very tired mummy, stressed that my baby girl was screaming for cuddles and returned at 6.30pm as Mummy looking forward to having cuddles with both my beautiful girls but inbetween? I was Creativity TV’s Emma Collins. The lady that has managed the docrafts PR since 2004, had two kids in between and is now managing the company online craft club whilst dealing with PND. On 7th July 2011 I was a career woman on TV with make-up on and hair brushed! *breath*

Okay so it wasn’t This Morning or Loose Women or any other day time TV show that would get me recognised just buying my 10 pints of milk at my local Asda BUT to be on Creativity TV with the gorgeous and very popular docrafts resident craft expert Katy Godbeer, with over 70 episodes online, watched A LOT by members of THE Creativity Club (Connecting YOU with Creativity! is their tag line) ,it was a start and a bloody exciting one at that! www.docrafts.com/creativity-club

My confidence was up by 70% and my insecurities vanished after take 3 on the day and it felt amazing. Not only am I getting the old me back by returning to work but to then stand in front of two camera’s on a lovely set and spend an entire day filming for an online show that is very popular was a mega reality check that my career is heading the way I want it too and life is getting even more exciting.

My daughter turns 1 on the 19th of this month, I have packed up the steriliser and finished her on formula. She loves her cows milk, She is communicating with me, her daddy and big sister so much more and she is getting a little better with her sleep. My toddler is being mega cute and grown up and is really enjoying nursery and i’m back at work and can see the future…and it’s looking great!

My first show will be aired online in September. I’m hoping that friends, family and followers will support me and join my Creativity Club and love the show! ;-)

P.S Always happy to sign autographs.